VAR Makes Everything Better!

Video Assistant Referee Proves I Did Not Kick Jim in the Groin. Why is Everyone Still Mad at Me?

I was only trying to make our Thursday night, over-50 pickup football game fairer and safer. When the stakes are this high — the annual Janos “Chuckie” Čzýz Memorial Shield— you use ALL the tools you can afford to ensure no one’s getting cheated, ignored, marginalized, discriminated against, canceled, not getting passed to, yelled at for not defending, or forced to play a position you hate because Sam ALWAYS has to be the striker. Not like that’s what’s going on here— but just in case it is.

Needless to say, I was shocked when, after watching the replay of last night’s match, at how many controversial and downright dangerous plays occurred. The fact that I was involved in all of them reinforces my contention that VAR fulfills its promise to bring unprecedented fairness and safety to “The Beautiful Game”. Here’s a short list:

00:03: Frank’s claim that I elbowed him in the throat at kickoff was easily debunked upon review. VAR proves I was clearly turning to wave at Manny who’d just arrived and was going to share pictures of his vacation to Toronto with me later. We both love Toronto but, apparently, Frank doesn’t feel the same way about Canadians or any foreigners — like Manny (I think).